Maker of EKG Pads Now Recommends 230-Lead EKGs for Patients

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ekgFRIDLEY, MN – New studies are demonstrating that the more EKG leads a patient has, the more accurate the EKG is.  Previously, only 12 leads were utilized to produce EKG printouts, but physicists at Medtronic, the world’s largest EKG pad provider, have discovered that the more leads placed on the patient, the more detailed the EKG is.

“Our findings are quite simple, the more EKG leads hooked up, the better the EKG,” stated EKG maker Medtronic CEO Samantha Purkinje.  “Our limiting factor is now available space on a body to physically place more EKG leads.  That is how we came to 230 as that is a good compromise between quality and functionality.”

Patients in the 270-lead trial were complaining they couldn’t see with leads place over their eyelids, others complained that losing their eyebrows after the test wasn’t worth the extra information the EKG provided.  They compromised on 6 genital leads, when some patients thought that 4 EKG pads placed on the genitals were better than the recommended 15 genital leads the researchers tried to place.

At press time, cardiologists were happy to hear that the new 230-lead EKG machine will still display the interpretation on the top of the page, so reading the EKG independently of the answers will not occur.  “This is a relief,” said Dr. Rome, a cardiologist.  “I didn’t go through 3 years of fellowship to be reading all these EKGs!”

The EKG lead maker also recommends if the patient moves during the EKG to replace all 230 pads in case one of the leads was the problem.

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    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

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