ventilator

2016 Updated Laws of the House of God

  • 7.2K
    Shares

ventilator

If you haven’t read The House of God yet and you are in medicine, stop reading our blog and go read it.  It really should be a prerequisite to medical school.  If you have read it, you may want to know about some updates to the Laws of the House of God.  Also, if you think you are a House of God expert, be sure to take our House of God quiz HERE!

UPDATED LAWS OF THE HOUSE OF GOD

  1. Gomers do die and then we bring them back to life over and over again and then send them to a SNF only to bounce back tomorrow with fevers and hypotension.
  2. Gomers go to ground and naturally we blame anesthesia for it like everything else in medicine.
  3. At a cardiac arrest the first procedure is to make sure it isn’t your patient coding and that you don’t provide back compressions.
  4. The patient is the one with the disease and ALSO the patient satisfaction survey.
  5. HCAHPS scores comes first.
  6. There is no body cavity that can’t be reached by a scope and a motivated gastroenterologist, unless it is between 6 pm and 6 am.  In that case just give blood and they will see them in the morning.
  7. Age + BUN = Lasix dose.  (Still true!)
  8. Hospital administrators can always hurt you more.
  9. The only good admission is one on another service where you are consulting even though the primary problem is your specialty.
  10. If you don’t take an actual respiratory rate, just chart 16.
  11. Show me a medical student that isn’t texting/Tweeting/Facebooking ALL day and I will kiss their feet.
  12. If a medical student cuts a suture, it will either be too short or too long, it can never be just right.
  13. The delivery of good medical care is to prescribe opioids, antibiotics, greasy delicious food, and to give the patient whatever they want from their Google research.

image_pdfimage_print
  • Doktor Schnabel

    Plague doctor from 1622 who practices blood letting and medical satire. My beak has mint leaves and straw to protect myself from the plague...plus it looks good.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

airplane

Newborn Delivered at 35,000 Feet: A Doctor’s Perspective

342SharesSOMEWHERE OVER HOBOKEN, NJ – It’s amazing how there is always a doctor around ...

ENT Docs Vote Unanimously to Drop the Nose, Will Only Treat Ear & Throat

704SharesALEXANDRIA, VA—In a move that has left many speechless, the board of directors of ...

medical specialist

Introducing the Medical Specialty Privilege Hierarchy!

4.3KSharesCHECKYOSELF, OR – Ever had a conversation with a colleague in another specialty and ...

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Why Not: CDC Recommends Adding Vanco & Zosyn to the Water

6.2KSharesATLANTA, GA – Finally accepting the reality that antibiotic stewardship among health care professionals ...

Rosie, Da Vinci

Da Vinci & Rosie from The Jetsons are Dating!!

685SharesORBIT CITY – In exciting news from Orbit Medical Center (OMC), the Jetsons’ household ...