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BOCA RATON, FL – Sending shockwaves throughout the medical community, the Food & Drug Administration approved a postmortem chemotherapy regimen to be administered after a patient has passed away from cancer. The protocol will initially be offered to patients who have succumbed to disease within 1 month of their death, but there are rumblings that the toxic medications could eventually be administered as late as 1 to 5 years after the patient has died.

chemotherapyArea oncologist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, whose groundbreaking research paved the way for this breakthrough, hailed the FDA announcement as a step forward.  “This treatment plan offers a ray of hope to those who are no longer with us.  Even though our data indicates a 0% chance of resurrection from death, I think it’s important for us to give patients the option.”

While insurance companies have been reluctant to offer coverage for this ultra-expensive chemotherapy regimen, the pharmaceutical industry has launched a marketing campaign which urges patients to consider postmortem payment plans to receive the regimen in a cash-pay model. 

Taking the lead from Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, many other specialists suggest that additional postmortem medical breakthroughs may be on the horizon:

“These are truly exciting times in medicine!” raved Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.  “What a time to be alive, or even already dead!”

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Dr Pablo Pistola
Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Follow him on twitter at @drpablopistola