WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Office of the Surgeon General was thrown into chaos late last night when newly-appointed Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Sylvia Trent-Adams announced that the nation’s magnesium level was low, and she was unsure who to page about it. Trent-Adams, a trained RN, was recently promoted to Acting Surgeon General after President Donald Trump fired the previous Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, on April 21.
According to sources within the department, the nation’s lab work came back last night showing a slightly low magnesium level of 1.5 mg/dL. The issue came to a head when the nation later requested Tums for some late-night heartburn.
“I need an order,” Trent-Adams reportedly yelled at one of her aides.
So far, the Nurse Surgeon General has been unable to find a physician to replete the nation’s magnesium. Sources say it is unclear who even ordered the lab work in the first place, with Trent-Adams blaming her predecessor for leaving her with a “mess.”
“I’ve inherited a mess,” said Trent-Adams during a press conference yesterday. “Look at how tangled these IVs are. This is going to take me at least an hour to fix.”
A statement issued early this week read, “The Surgeon General believes that her new job treats nurses unfairly and is discussing a wide range of administrative actions, including filing a complaint with her union representative to an all-out strike.”
Amongst her list of complaints is break room cleanliness and lack of refrigerator space to place her lunch bag in.