used speculum tongue depressor

Ten Spectacular Off-Label Uses of the Speculum

  • 1.5K
    Shares

used speculum tongue depressor

You’re probably familiar with the traditional use of the speculum: visualization of the cervical os, blah blah blah.  We at Gomerblog are pleased to share some exciting uses of what has been hailed by the Dalai Lama as “the most versatile instrument in medicine.”

1. Visualizing the prostatic urethra.  Use largest size available for superior visualization.

2. Intubating.  Appose 3 speculums to each other and, voilà, airway.

3. Bet you didn’t know that speculums possess refractive properties.  Indeed, “speculum” is etymologically derived from the Middle English word “spectacles.”  Fasten two in front of your eyeballs using twine, and not only will you be able to see again, you will also look erudite as f**k.

4. Gaining acceptance into the Speculuminati.

5. Fake microphone for when it’s your turn to present on rounds.

6. Duck bill for your “Mighty Ducks” Halloween costume.

7. Maraca for your mariachi band.

8. Keeping your throat open while guzzling beer using beer bong.

9. Centerpiece on dining room table, preferably on top of your bowl of fake fruit.

10. Mother’s Day gift.  Your mother wants to know that you’re thinking about her (vagina), and the speculum symbolizes exactly that.

image_pdfimage_print
  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Breaking: Wandering Atrial Pacemaker Gets a New Home

689SharesThe American Journal of Borderline Interesting Cardiology published today that a wandering atrial pacemaker ...

upset patient

Patient Dissatisfied with Noise Level of Code Blue

2.3KSharesANN ARBOR, MI – Following a prolonged code of her roommate, 46-year-old patient Karen ...

Purell Foaming Body Sanitizer life-sized

Purell Releases New Life-Sized Foaming Body Sanitizer

526SharesAKRON, OH – Realizing that clean hands was the tip of the iceberg, GOJO Industries, ...

New Intern Hands Attending Cup of Urine on Rounds

169SharesCHICAGO, IL – New medical Intern, Dr. Alexa Friedrich, disappeared after presenting a patient ...

Lady Gaga’s Doctor Finding It Difficult to Auscultate Her Heart

70SharesNEW YORK, NY – Dr. Rubenstein told reporters Friday that he struggles to auscultate Lady’s ...

Telemedicine Doctor Probably Wearing Shorts, Possibly Only Boxers

1.3KSharesBOCA RATON, FL — Patients have long wondered what telemedicine provider Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram is ...