Breaking: For First Time in History, EEG Captures Seizure Activity

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CHICAGO, IL – Remember today’s date.  Remember where you were and what you were doing.  In breaking news to Gomerblog, we have learned that an electroencephalogram, or EEG, performed at Northwestern University today has actually captured some seizure foci, making it the first time this test has ever done so in the modern medical era.

Another wasted test? Of the first positive EEG in millenia?

“We are elated, and we have no words to describe this feeling,” explained neurologist Dr. Sana Patel, who assumed like everyone else that the EEG would be negative or at best nonspecific (consistent with either toxic or metabolic encephalopathy i.e. not useful information).  “EEG-confirmed seizure disorders do not exist in the literature.  This is case-worthy material.”

The patient in question had presented to the emergency department with witnessed generalized tonic-clonic seizures, along with tongue-biting and urinary incontinence, and he had a strong family history of seizures.  No known history of alcohol withdrawal or any other medical conditions.  The patient was empirically started on Keppra (levetiracetam) and an EEG was ordered.

“To be honest, I ordered the EEG for sh*ts and giggles, like we always do,” explained Patel, further elaborating that the EEG is as useful as chloride in a basic chemistry panel.  “We usually make the diagnosis on clinical grounds and this patient had a pitch-perfect clinical presentation, allowing for a rather confident diagnosis.  To have an EEG that’s positive,” Patel paused briefly in order to hold back her emotions, “is not only the icing on the cake, but the cherry on top.”

Up until this very day, over 45 million EEGs have been ordered in medical centers across the world and zero, zilch have been positive.  Today is a momentous day for the field of neurology.  It is a day of celebration.

“When you’re a little kid dreaming of becoming a neurologist, you would always think: maybe… maybe one day, will I be the first neurologist to see a positive EEG?” Patel told us, as if reliving some fond childhood memories of positive pretend electroencephalograms during tea parties.  “The future is bright for neurology.”

Gomerblog asked if her if the groundbreaking discovery would change her management.  “God no, not at all.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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