baby aspirin

FDA Reminder: Baby Aspirin Not Actually Meant for Babies

  • 356

SILVER SPRING, MD – Looking to clear things up to the confused American public, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a reminder that baby aspirin is not meant for babies; it’s meant for adults.

Lub Dub
“Look, he LOVES aspirin!!  Look at him laugh!!”

“I know it’s tempting for some parents out there to give your baby some baby aspirin especially if they have chest pain, but yeah, don’t,” said FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb.  “Seriously, do not do that.”

According to the FDA, they have seen increasing numbers of infants being put on aspirin 81 mg qday simply because they are babies.

“No, no, it’s not called baby aspirin because it’s meant to be given for babies, newborns, infants, even young children,” an exasperated Gottlieb replied.  He attempted to clarify, stating that it’s called baby aspirin because aspirin 81 mg is a “small dose” compared to full-strength aspirin 325 mg.  “In a way,” he continued, “what we’re saying is that aspirin 325 mg is like an adult and aspirin 81 mg is like a baby.  Get it?  Baby aspirin?”

Gottlieb’s comments were met with an oblivious silence from us and other media outlets.  Gomerblog broke the silence by asking Gottlieb why full-strength aspirin isn’t called adult aspirin then.

Gottlieb let out an audible sigh.  “We figured people were smart enough to figure it out,” replied Gottlieb.  “Clearly we were mistaken.”

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

mri scanner

Hospital Discontinues MRI Screening Forms, Press-Ganey Scores Soar

934SharesIn a presentation to the American Association of Gullible Hospital Administrators, Shady Practices Medical ...

food buffet

Pathologists Running Out of Food (Terms)

835SharesSEATTLE, WA – At the national meeting for pathologists, a packed, plenary session on the ...

Fertilized Hipster Egg Decides Uterus “Just Not My Style,” Moves to Abdomen

225SharesABDOMEN, FEMALE PATIENT – Yesterday, a recently-fertilized hipster egg decided that the uterus “just wasn’t my ...

woman gives up facebook

Local Woman Gives Up Facebook, Misses Post on Cure for Her Disease

686SharesPHOENIX, AZ – On the first of the month Katie Brunswick posted on her Facebook ...