SILVER SPRING, MD – Looking to clear things up to the confused American public, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a reminder that baby aspirin is not meant for babies; it’s meant for adults.
“I know it’s tempting for some parents out there to give your baby some baby aspirin especially if they have chest pain, but yeah, don’t,” said FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb. “Seriously, do not do that.”
According to the FDA, they have seen increasing numbers of infants being put on aspirin 81 mg qday simply because they are babies.
“No, no, it’s not called baby aspirin because it’s meant to be given for babies, newborns, infants, even young children,” an exasperated Gottlieb replied. He attempted to clarify, stating that it’s called baby aspirin because aspirin 81 mg is a “small dose” compared to full-strength aspirin 325 mg. “In a way,” he continued, “what we’re saying is that aspirin 325 mg is like an adult and aspirin 81 mg is like a baby. Get it? Baby aspirin?”
Gottlieb’s comments were met with an oblivious silence from us and other media outlets. Gomerblog broke the silence by asking Gottlieb why full-strength aspirin isn’t called adult aspirin then.
Gottlieb let out an audible sigh. “We figured people were smart enough to figure it out,” replied Gottlieb. “Clearly we were mistaken.”