North Korea Frantically Getting Rid of Expired Missiles Prior to Upcoming Joint Commission Inspection

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PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – The president of North Korea, Kim Jong-un shocked the world when he started launching missiles at a more frenetic pace than usual over the last several months.

Theories as to why the North Korean Army has been launching so many missiles in such a short period of time have been numerous; to show up U.S. President Donald Trump, to the birth of Kim Jong-un’s 3rd child, or simply that it’s anesthesia’s fault.

In a rare public interview, Kim Jong-un admitted the true reason for the missile launching, “We received a 30 day notice that Joint Commission is coming to inspect the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. During a Mock Inspection, it was discovered that nearly all of our missiles are expired. After killing the messengers who also happened to be the only people who knew how to make missiles, I ordered the removal of all expired and expiring missiles. We’ve been launching like a c. diff patient’s rectum ever since.”

When asked how many missiles North Korea had, Kim Jong-un was coy, “Well, we’ve launched 21 missiles since February and we had 22 expired missiles in February… and we cannot build missiles since I killed the missile experts, so I’m not going to tell you. It could be bajillions.”

When questioned about his thoughts on the matter, South Korean President Moon Jae-in replied, “If that fat constipated bastard keeps firing, we have some nearly expired missiles we may have to dispose of too before our Joint Commission visit the week after North Korea. I’ll bet 1,000,000Korean Won that we have missiles that can give that rotund bastard the asshole his people believe he doesn’t have.”

  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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