ATLANTA, GA – After informing Thursday that it didn’t care about it, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has happily announced that “it’s Friday, I’m in love!”
“I don’t care if Monday’s blue, Tuesday’s gray and Wednesday too,” Director of the CDC Brenda Fitzgerald had read from a carefully prepared statement at today’s press conference before making the euphoric proclamation.
“To further clarify,” Fitzgerald continued among camera flashes and a hushed murmur among the media, “Monday you can fall apart. Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart. Thursday don’t even start.” Fitzgerald paused dramatically before taking off her glasses and started smiling ear to ear. “It’s Friday, I’m in love!”
The CDC has politely asked if Saturday could wait, while issuing a stern warning to Sunday that it always comes too late. Fitzgerald made no comment in regards to this upcoming influenza season, but really couldn’t stop gushing about this day of the week.
“But Friday, never hesitate,” Fitzgerald closed before skipping away from the podium without fielding any questions.
In other news, cardiologists nervously await for a rumored Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack.