5.8 Million Packers Fans Sign Up to Donate Their Clavicles to Aaron Rodgers

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GREEN BAY, WI – After Aaron Rodgers went down in Sunday’s game against the Minnesota Vikings (0 Super Bowl trophies in team history), Packers (5 Super Bowl trophies in team history) head physician Dr. Pat McKenzie put out a call for clavicle donors.

Even Dr. McKenzie could not have predicted the response.  “We had almost 6 million people offer to donate a clavicle within an hour of the game ending.  Most offered either clavicle; unfortunately, clavicle donations are side specific. That’s after we eliminated 12 million clavicles offered from deceased donors.”

“We had clavicles offered from newborns to nonentagenarians.  I’m not kidding, a 92-year-old great grandmother from Watertown offered her clavicle!”

Gomerblog caught up with the 92-year-old potential donor at her home.  She requested to only be identified by her first name, Lois.  Lois invited us into her home and offered us cookies and milk before the interview.

When asked what inspired her to offer up her collarbone Lois said, “I just felt so bad for that young man.  He does so much for the community and the kids and he brings so much joy to the whole state!  My clavicle has only a couple hundred throws on it from playing with my kids, grand kids and great grandkids, it’s practically new!”

After a lovely time with Lois, Gomerblog returned to Green Bay to speak some more with Dr. McKenzie who was beginning to narrow down the list.  “The first thing we need to do is find an age, approximate height and weight match.  Ideally within 5 years, 3” height and 40 lbs of Aaron.”

He added later: “Then we look at the usual transplant stuff like MHCs, blood type, and of course weeding out Bears fans.”

  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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