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RALEIGH, NC – In a shocking turn of events in the emergency department this morning, 3rd-year med student Daniel Moder saved a patient’s life using only his knowledge of the Krebs cycle.

medical student nodding

At 3 AM yesterday, a patient arrived via ambulance after suffering severe trauma during a motor vehicle collision.  The 24-year-old man had a severed femoral artery and was bleeding profusely.  With his blood pressure dropping and the trauma team unsure what to do, Moder jumped into action. Reaching deep into his short white coat pocket, he pulled out a thick stack of flash cards filled with flow charts depicting the Krebs cycle.  He took the stack of 3 x 5 index cards and packed the open leg wound, resulting in immediate tamponade of the bleeding artery.  After saving the patient’s life, Moder reportedly leaned over the young man’s ear and said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, you got about 2 pounds of Krebs in you.”

When asked why he carried such a robust and seemingly useless pile of index cards containing details of what many consider the most inane, reprehensible enzymatic reaction known to western civilization, Moder responded, “It’s all I had in my pockets.”

Records indicate this remarkable event is the first time in human history that the Krebs cycle has made a positive impact in somebody’s life.

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Dr. Glaucomflecken
Following a successful career as a doctor impersonator, Dr. Glaucomflecken decided to attend a real, accredited medical school and residency program. Now he spends his time treating eyeballs, occasionally forgetting that they belong to an actual human body. Dr. Glaucomflecken specializes in knowing where to look when talking to somebody with a lazy eye. He started writing for GomerBlog after being told to “publish or perish.” Follow me on Twitter @DGlaucomflecken
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