RALEIGH, NC – In a shocking turn of events in the emergency department this morning, 3rd-year med student Daniel Moder saved a patient’s life using only his knowledge of the Krebs cycle.
At 3 AM yesterday, a patient arrived via ambulance after suffering severe trauma during a motor vehicle collision. The 24-year-old man had a severed femoral artery and was bleeding profusely. With his blood pressure dropping and the trauma team unsure what to do, Moder jumped into action. Reaching deep into his short white coat pocket, he pulled out a thick stack of flash cards filled with flow charts depicting the Krebs cycle. He took the stack of 3 x 5 index cards and packed the open leg wound, resulting in immediate tamponade of the bleeding artery. After saving the patient’s life, Moder reportedly leaned over the young man’s ear and said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, you got about 2 pounds of Krebs in you.”
When asked why he carried such a robust and seemingly useless pile of index cards containing details of what many consider the most inane, reprehensible enzymatic reaction known to western civilization, Moder responded, “It’s all I had in my pockets.”
Records indicate this remarkable event is the first time in human history that the Krebs cycle has made a positive impact in somebody’s life.