BILOXI, MS – In what is believed to be the first time anywhere, local anesthesiologist Arick Lunchbocks blamed general surgeon Bessie Jandle for the trouble he was having intubating Dr. Jandle’s patient.
“Seriously, Jandle, why do you always pick the heaviest patients for elective surgeries?” Lunchbocks grumbled. “You know you can do a LapBand on patients under 700 lbs., right?”
“I’m creating a new level of Mallampati, level 5 Jandle in honor of your dubious accomplishment of finding the smallest damn airways in the universe! I can’t even find the damn epiglottis or the regular glottis for that matter!”
Jandle countered with one of the oldest tricks in the book, by asking Lunchbocks if it was time for a break yet. Lunchbocks countered by realizing it was time for his break and left the room as soon as CRNA D’erick Ovens came in.
CRNA Ovens was able to intubate the patient nearly immediately without using a bougie, a glide scope, the floorwalker, the force, or any other unnatural devices aside from a Macintosh 4 blade, an 8-mm endotracheal tube and a steady learned hand.
Fortunately, CRNA Ovens was also available for Dr. Lunchbocks’ third break of the one-hour surgery to also perform the difficult extubation.