NIWOT, CO – In a news conference last week, Andrew Rees, CEO of Crocs, Inc., announced that all new Crocs will now include microneedles that slowly excrete insulin when worn.
“We’ve held the corner on the market for obese footwear since our founding in 2002. It’s about time we gave back to those who have supported us,” Rees said. “Our internal research has concluded that 75% of our customers are either under age 10 or morbidly obese diabetics. By adding insulin to all adult sizes, we’re effectively not risking causing hypoglycemia in pretty much anyone!”
The average A1C for adults who wear Crocs is 13.7%. Rees said the company’s goal is to get that down into a healthier range, “ideally the low 12’s.”
The exact amount of insulin excreted will vary by shoe color based on the most common colors and patterns worn by individuals with varying degrees of obesity. Lantus will be the default insulin but custom orders with meal and bedtime dosing will be available through the company’s website.
Black Crocs will have no insulin. Red: 12 units of Lantus per day. Orange 20 units/day, green 30 units/day, brown 40 units/day, purple 50 units/day, camoflauge 60 units/day, Disney-themed Crocs 75 units/day, and Pixar character Crocs will secrete 100 units/day of Lantus.
No word yet if Spanx, Angry Birds T-shirts, or adult pajama pants manufacturers will follow suit.