Gas-X brain farts
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Gas-X brain farts
“That brain fart was P.U.!!”

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – The American Academy of Neurology (AAN) has updated their guidelines for the diagnosis and management of brain farts, a condition characterized by a temporary mental lapse, and now formally recommend Gas-X (simethicone) as first-line treatment.

“We had always thought of brain farts as generally benign,” explained AAN spokesperson Dr. Raymond Corona.  “But new studies are changing our way of… of…”  Corona seemed troubled by his inability to find the right word.  He stomps his right foot down in mild frustration.  “Thinking!  Thinking, that’s what it is.  Geez, what the hell was that?”

Though studies have disproven brain farts as a form of seizure or a precursor to a TIA or stroke, new research is investigating an increasingly common phenomenon related to chronic, untreated brain farts: cerebral gas.

“It’s one thing to be embarrassed after having a brief moment of… of… cerebral let down,” explained neurologist Dr. Amy G. Dala, who started scrunching her face and pinching her nose.  “It’s another to be embarrassed because your brain fart, like one I’m having right now, causes a horrific stench emanating from the back of the skull.  Phew, sorry!  That one was a stinker!”

Gas-X works by decreasing the surface tension of gas bubbles intracranially, thereby preventing the formation of any gas pockets in either of the cerebral hemispheres, cerebellum, and the brainstem.  Gas-X even has good CSF penetration, which can curb the worst type of brain fart: one that arises within either the lateral, third, or fourth ventricles.

“One massive brain fart originating from the CSF can lead to a goddamn blown pupil!” added Dala, popping Gas-X like candy.

The AAN recommends taking 125 mg of Gas-X (simethicone) four times a day, which is the maximum dose.  In addition, the AAN also recommends staying away from carbonated beverages and gas-forming foods like beans, and ensuring regular thoughts, ideally between once a day or three times a week.

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