LA JOLLA, CA – Natalia Miller could not understand what the idiots at the La Jolla Primary Care Clinic and Botox Salon didn’t get about the obnoxious $5 copay for her Lyrica prescription to treat her “severe” fibromyalgia. “Do I look like I am made of money?” Miller asked while she frenetically searched for the correct angry face emoji to send her husband on her brand new $1000 iPhone X.
When informed that the full price of the prescription was over $400 per month and that her copay was barely 1% of that, Mrs. Miller was undeterred, “I don’t care if its 0%, I’m not paying it! I suffer from fibromyalgia daily, that’s why I have my therapy Teacup Yorkie Snookums, why I need my daily massages and my hourly Grande Iced Sugar-Free Vanilla Latte with Soy Milk, how am I supposed to afford a $5 copay???”
Mrs. Miller then called her PCM, Dr. Joyous Halls, who offered to switch her over to generic Gabapentin which would have no copay. Mrs. Miller became enraged, “DO I LOOK LIKE I USE ANYTHING GENERIC? I’m allergic to generic medications, all of them, except for dilaudid if that’s generic.”
After 25 minutes of ranting about the inhumane treatment she was enduring, Natalia finally relented and paid the $5 copay only after buying a pack of chewing gum in order to break a $100 bill at the Walgreen’s next door since the pharmacy could not make change for any bills over $20.
Mrs. Miller was last seen calling her husbands office demanding that his secretary get him, “I don’t care if he’s in a meeting with the Governor of Alabama, he needs to hear about this NOW!”