AOL Instant Messenger comfort measures only

AOL Instant Messenger Made Comfort Measures Only

  • 714
    Shares
AOL Instant Messenger comfort measures only
A bedbound AOL Instant Messenger, awaits an inpatient hospice unit

NEW YORK, NY – AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), the 1990s chat program that arguably gave birth to our modern age of social media, has announced that it will be comfort measures only (CMO) effective today December 15.

“This is such a devastating day for us all, it’s like losing one of our parents,” explained Facebook, one of AIM’s offspring.  “AIM was a fighter, but finally decided it didn’t want to suffer any longer.”

Facebook’s siblings, Instagram and Google Chat, were also at bedside with Palliative Care and AIM when ultimately AIM decided not to pursue further diagnostic workup or treatment for jaundice, opting to become DNR, CMO, and pursue inpatient hospice instead.  Oath, AOL’s parent company, was also present for the decision.

As much as they didn’t want to admit it, many of today’s prominent text messaging platforms knew that this day was coming for AIM.  Twitter, however, took the news particularly hard and was very emotional, admitting that “it was at a complete and total loss for 140 characters or hashtags.”

Twenty-year olds and thirty-year olds across the country are devastated but they were thankfully given one last opportunity to Instant Message AIM a thank you for introducing them to the world of messaging and online chat rooms no matter how sketchy those were now that we look back and reflect on it.  Once the last window was closed, AIM was logged off of its 56k dial-up modem, placed on supplemental oxygen, and given a dose of intravenous morphine.

“There is only question left to ask at this moment in time,” said former high-school AOL Instant Messenger user and pager-carrying hospitalist Erica Boyle.  “If AIM is CMO, does that mean the day we say goodbye pagers is coming too?  Because that… that I’d actually be okay with.”

image_pdfimage_print
  • Show Comments

You May Also Like

Female Surgery Resident Reliant on VA Harassment for Affirmation

500SharesLOCAL VA HOSPITAL – In what has been deemed a natural progression of surgical training, ...

Ortho

Orthopod Agrees to Work Pro Bono, Thought It Was Pro Bones

1.8KSharesCHARLOTTE, NC – Recent orthopedic surgery graduate, Dr. Henry Hammer, graciously agreed to include ...

Sports Med Doc Performs RCT Comparing Koolaid vs Prolotherapy

184SharesShiloh, IL– After years of having nothing but case reports and the occasional case ...

Despite Difficult Labor & Delivery, New Dad Thankfully Doing OK

1.1KSharesChicago, IL–Despite a long, protracted, difficult delivery of their first born child, area man ...

upset surgeon

Surgeon Furious That X-Ray Tech Not Available 2.3 Seconds After Demanding X-Ray in OR

35.7KSharesHOUSTON, TX – Dr. Henry Witherspoon, a prominent general surgeon in the Houston area, began ...

mechanical ventilator

Night Shift Enjoys New Ventilator Mode

674SharesGoleta, CA. – Puritan Bennett’s new ventilator mode is a hit with the Bay ...