COAST-TO-COAST, AMERICA – “Well, I’ll be damned!  This low-fat, low-sodium, low-cholesterol, low-potassium, 1500-calorie, diabetic, and renal diet is absolutely delicious!” said no hospitalized patient ever in the history of health care.

None of these patients, whether it was a sick toddler or an elderly patient awaiting placement, went on to describe the meal as “filling,” “full of savory and sweet goodness,” or “life-changing” by any means.

“Wow, yummy in my tummy!!!” exclaimed not one single person from the easternmost point in Maine to the most western tip of Alaska.

Furthermore, no person of any gender, ethnicity, or religious background could further drive home the point by saying “I could eat this everyday until I die” because “it is exploding with flavor,” “clearly made with the finest ingredients,” and “crafted with such heart and soul.”

In other news, none of these patients would like to add that the meal came to them not too hot, not too cold, but just at the exact right temperature, and that the meal came out exactly as they had ordered.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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