matt lauer er switch

ER Installs “Reverse Matt Lauer” Switches to Lock Drugseekers Out

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New York, NY – Inspired by the Today Show’s Matt Lauer’s desk switch that locked his door entrapping his victims, Emergency Room’s across the city have started installing “Reverse Matt Lauer” switches to keep drugseekers out of their waiting rooms.

matt lauer er switch“Matt Lauer has been a classic New Yorker for years,” opined Dr. Hara Sment an ER Physician at Columbia University Hospital. “Just like the rest of us, he was publicly very judgmental of those who committed crimes that he himself regularly did. It is only fitting that he left the public light with one final gift for New Yorkers and ER’s everywhere!”

The “Reverse Matt Lauer” switch is typically located at the triage desk with the best view of the ER entrance. As soon as a known drug seeker is seen walking towards the entrance, the triage nurse hits the switch and the drugseeker is locked out and unable to come in to file a patient complaint or ask for “the one that starts with d.”

While Matt Lauer used his now infamous switch to entrap victims for him to sexually harass, the “Reverse Matt Lauer” switch prevents ER’s from being victimized by poor press-ganey scores and 11/10 pain.

When asked for his thoughts on the “Reverse Matt Lauer” switches, Matt Lauer was a bit confused. “Why would you lock someone out? That totally defeats the purpose, they can’t even see your genitals when you expose them! Whoever designed this would never have been able to sexually harass their way to the top of the morning talk show market!”

As of press time, 370 ER’s across all 50 states and Puerto Rico either had or were installing “Reverse Matt Lauer” switches.

  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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