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CDC Recommends Against Finding Hypodermic Needles in a Haystack

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CDC headquarters, ignore, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles
The CDC takes pride in making sure there are no haystacks on the premises

ATLANTA, GA – The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says there is minimal risk associated with the search for a regular needle in a haystack, but that Americans should absolutely draw the line at finding any hypodermic needles if the opportunity ever presented itself, especially if the needle in question was used to draw blood in a patient with hepatitis B, hepatitis C, or HIV.

“it’s not that the likelihood of finding a hypodermic needle in a haystack is any higher or lower than a standard needle, but do you really want to tempt fate?” asked Acting Director of the CDC Anne Schuchat, who is aggravated that someone would be so careless as to discard a hypodermic needle in such an irresponsible manner instead of placing it in a sharps container.

Schuchat also wants to remind health care professionals that if they spot any haystacks within any health care facility – in the nurses station or on a patient’s linens – that environmental services should be called to facilitate appropriately clean up the mess.  “The last thing we need,” said Schuchat, “is stray hay accidentally falling into a patient’s open abdominal cavity.”

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