Spine Surgeon Pleads for Children to Stop Stepping On Sidewalk Cracks

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INTERCOURSE, PA – Many things have been lost in the current generation to include basic social skills, manners, and the ability to poop without being on social media.

Another piece of crucial information that has apparently been lost in time is the knowledge that stepping on a sidewalk crack will in fact break your mother’s back. The epidemic of fractured maternal spines is overwhelming the capabilities of Spine surgeons coast to coast.

Famed Spine surgeon, Dr. Seil Naldua, said that vertebral fractures resulting from the careless ambulation of children now occupies over 50% of his practice. “When I was in residency, it was a joked about but never seen phenomenon, this breaking of backs based on children stepping on cracks, we laughed about it often. Now, I stand corrected, this is a real problem that needs a real solution. There are numerous DLIF’s, TLIF’s, PLIF’s, XLIF’s, PLF’s and MILF’s that need to be done and we just don’t have time.”

Gomerblog interviewed several children walking home from bus-stops and none of them knew of the danger they were placing their mothers’ backs in with their thoughtless strolling. We attempted to get a comment, but the whipper-snappers said they would tweet it at us. The tweets never came.

The North American Spine Society (NASS) is working on a social media awareness campaign. They’ve already contacted some Canadian kid named Justin the Beaver but the cost to even buy one tweet was deemed beyond excessive. Fortunately Nickelback has signed onto a contract where they will tweet to their 7 followers about mom back safety daily for the next year. The NASS is currently contacting any and all Karadshians to see if one of them is willing to cut a discount in exchange for not having to know how to spell “Back” Spine” or “the.

  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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