strike 32 teeth

Strike! Anesthesia Knocks Out 32 Teeth in Masterful Display of Ineptitude

  • 238

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Anesthesiology resident Dr. Rex Fumblenuts performed the equivalent of a strike today by knocking out all 32 of his patient’s teeth during a routine intubation preceding laparoscopic appendectomy.  It’s the most embarrassing use of an endotracheal tube since 2015 when critical care fellow Eric Jennings accidentally performed a rectal intubation.

strike 32 teeth
We use this picture is a metaphor since the actual picture is too gruesome

“It’s like he had essential tremor and alcohol withdrawal exacerbated by thirty spots of espresso,” commented anesthesiology attending Dr. Monica Stone, who watched in horror as all 32 teeth came crashing down like pins on a bowling alley.  “With the teeth ratting around with each breath, it looked like white balls tumbling, waiting to be drawn for a Lotto jackpot.”

To make matters worse, Fumblenuts couldn’t manage to thread the endotracheal tube down the patient’s airway despite the fact the patient was a Mallampati Class 1 (clear as day) or a modified Mallampati Class -1 (can see the trachea divide into left and right main bronchi from across the room).

“It was embarrassing to say the least,” said Stone, who took a deep breath and then defended her resident, saying that he did deserve a little credit.  “The good thing is that when he consented the patient part of the complications he described is ‘destruction of the face’ and ‘as well as anything else within a four-foot radius.’  At least he’s realistic.”

As expected, Stone intervened and successfully intubated the patient.  She didn’t allow Fumblenuts to put up the mandatory drape for fear of accidentally strangling anyone in the vicinity.  Lastly, Stone recovered 31 of the patient’s 32 teeth.  The final tooth was found half an hour later when it was found lodged within the patient’s inflamed appendix.

“Wow, you really hit this tooth with full force, Fumblenuts, to get it lodged all the way down there,” said general surgery resident Tammie Dobin.  “Classic Fumblenuts.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Pneumatic Tube System for Patient Transport a Huge Success

43.1KSharesROCHESTER, MN – One month into its experimental trial run, the Mayo Clinic made ...


CDC to Fund Anti-Vaxxer Africa Trip

1.3KSharesSAN DIEGO, CA – In a surprise move, CDC officials announced their decision to ...

urethral stent

Frustrated Urologist Designs Obscenity-Screaming Stent

767SharesBOSTON, MA – It started in 2007 when Dr. Ronald Jeremy, a staff urologist, ...