THEMYSCIRA – Wonder Woman overheard a strange patient describing his pain as “20 out of 10.” Seeking justice and finally safe from an ER bolus of admissions that put her Bracelets of Submission to the test, Wonder Woman captured said patient with her Lasso of Truth, coercing him to admit his pain was only really a 2 out of 10.
“Damn this lasso!” exclaimed the patient whose actual pain level was not greater than 10, 10, or even 5 for that matter. “My pain is… is… a two…”
“I thought so!” the Princess of the Amazon exclaimed, a smile appearing before her satisfied that justice was being served.
“It’s a two… and…” the patient continued, wallowing pitifully before Wonder Woman.
“And?” Wonder Woman tightened the lasso.
“It’s a two… and… manageable with Tylenol,” finished the once-lying-but-now-honest patient, emotionally exhausted from conveying the truth, something not done as often as health care professionals would like.
The Lasso of Truth forces whomever is bound by it to obey the commands of the person holding the rope, in this case Wonder Woman. The lasso was believed to have been crafted by the god Hephaestus using the Golden Girdle of Gaea, the same one once worn by Antiope, the sister of Queen Hippolyta. As a result, the lasso, like Wonder Woman’s bracelets, are indestructible even when exposed to pain scores of infinity.
Wonder Woman realized this strange patient was only one of many affected by the opioid crisis, and it could only mean one thing: “Ares must be responsible for this!”
With that, Wonder Woman vowed to ally herself with health care professionals under the opioid crisis and other evil-doers are defeated. She released the patient from her lasso and turned her sights on the next enemies: opioids, hospital administrators, and the Joint Commission.