Crooked Hillary Actually Suffering From Severe Scoliosis

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CHAPPAQUA, NY – Former Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton’s Spine Surgeon today revealed that President Donald Trump’s calling her “Crooked Hillary” on the campaign trail was actually a reference to her excessive spinal curvature.

The only thing more crooked than her spine is her foundation!

“Ms. Clinton has been suffering from scoliosis for years, bearing the weight of all of Bill’s inequities and indiscretions for decades finally caught up to her vertebral column and caused her spinal deformity” said Dr. Seilnelson Naldua, renowned spinal surgeon to the stars. “Fortunately she will soon undergo a T2-Pelvis fusion and be able to stand straight for the first time in decades.”

When asked about whether her scoliosis impacted her campaign, Ms. Clinton lashed out, “The Russians hacked my medical record and released my scoliosis to the Trump Campaign. Everytime he called me ‘Crooked Hillary,’ I was reminded of my affliction and it distracted me from answering State Department emails on my gmail server, which led to horrible campaign decisions like ignoring the entire Midwest.”

Asked about if he ever considered bracing or therapy as treatment for Ms. Clinton’s scoliosis, Dr. Naldua laughed, “A spine that has born the burden of that many personal and professional scandals cannot be straightened with anything but cold hard titanium.”

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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