CHAPPAQUA, NY – Former Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton’s Spine Surgeon today revealed that President Donald Trump’s calling her “Crooked Hillary” on the campaign trail was actually a reference to her excessive spinal curvature.
“Ms. Clinton has been suffering from scoliosis for years, bearing the weight of all of Bill’s inequities and indiscretions for decades finally caught up to her vertebral column and caused her spinal deformity” said Dr. Seilnelson Naldua, renowned spinal surgeon to the stars. “Fortunately she will soon undergo a T2-Pelvis fusion and be able to stand straight for the first time in decades.”
When asked about whether her scoliosis impacted her campaign, Ms. Clinton lashed out, “The Russians hacked my medical record and released my scoliosis to the Trump Campaign. Everytime he called me ‘Crooked Hillary,’ I was reminded of my affliction and it distracted me from answering State Department emails on my gmail server, which led to horrible campaign decisions like ignoring the entire Midwest.”
Asked about if he ever considered bracing or therapy as treatment for Ms. Clinton’s scoliosis, Dr. Naldua laughed, “A spine that has born the burden of that many personal and professional scandals cannot be straightened with anything but cold hard titanium.”