BERKELEY, CA – Bill “Doobie” Bogarter fondly refers to Woodstock as the “best two weeks I can’t remember.” He was the first faculty at UC Berkley to get a medicinal marijuana card long before the entire rest of the faculty started receiving them as part of the hiring process.
Recently, even Doobie’s medicinal weed hasn’t been enough to take away his right knee pain. After several injections, he was elated when his doctor offered him a new joint.
“I was like ‘groovy man, when can I get it?” Borgarter told GomerBlog. “He starts talking about risks and stuff, but I’m like ‘dude, I toke daily and make space brownies and hash pancakes every weekend’. I know the risks and they’re awesome!”
“I get to the hospital and this guy was like ‘I’m going to give you some drugs to help you relax.’ And I’m like all right! That’s exactly how I relax!!”
“The next thing I remember I’m waking up and my knee is killing me, this nurse keeps giving me ‘the good drug that starts with D’ and it’s barely touching the pain.”
“The next morning the surgeon comes in and shows me an X-ray and says that it’s my new knee. He proudly explains the parts made of titanium and some fancy plastic called polyethylene. What the hell man? What idiot would ever make a joint out of metal and plastic?”
“I’m pretty sure that smoking plastic gives you worse autism than vaccines can. I’ll have to check Jenny McCarthy’s blog to be sure.”