Woodstock Veteran Disappointed to Learn New Joint Made of Titanium and Plastic

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BERKELEY, CA – Bill “Doobie” Bogarter fondly refers to Woodstock as the “best two weeks I can’t remember.” He was the first faculty at UC Berkley to get a medicinal marijuana card long before the entire rest of the faculty started receiving them as part of the hiring process.

Recently, even Doobie’s medicinal weed hasn’t been enough to take away his right knee pain. After several injections, he was elated when his doctor offered him a new joint.

My new hip is the lamest joint ever.

“I was like ‘groovy man, when can I get it?” Borgarter told GomerBlog. “He starts talking about risks and stuff, but I’m like ‘dude, I toke daily and make space brownies and hash pancakes every weekend’. I know the risks and they’re awesome!”

“I get to the hospital and this guy was like ‘I’m going to give you some drugs to help you relax.’ And I’m like all right! That’s exactly how I relax!!”

“The next thing I remember I’m waking up and my knee is killing me, this nurse keeps giving me ‘the good drug that starts with D’ and it’s barely touching the pain.”

“The next morning the surgeon comes in and shows me an X-ray and says that it’s my new knee. He proudly explains the parts made of titanium and some fancy plastic called polyethylene. What the hell man? What idiot would ever make a joint out of metal and plastic?”

“I’m pretty sure that smoking plastic gives you worse autism than vaccines can. I’ll have to check Jenny McCarthy’s blog to be sure.”

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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