Ortho Throws Vanc at Infected Total Knee; Misses and Breaks Window

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Yucaipa, CA– The Inland Empire of California has long been known as the Wild West of Medicine where board certified surgeons are as rare as moose sightings.

Sorry about that window!rtho

Michelle Spain felt like the bastion of hope as the lone board certified Orthopaedic surgeon in the area of over 5 million people. Dr. Spain often finds herself handling the misadventures of her uncertified brethren.

This past week she admitted an infected total knee arthroplasty and decided to throw Vanc at it. Unfortunately, her throw was a bit high, missed the patient and flew out the window at Bernese Memorial Hospital landing 300 yards away on Highway 10.

Dr. Spain then threw her usual Ancef at the patient and connected.

When asked why she physically threw antibiotics at the patient, Dr. Spain said she overheard an ID doc as a junior resident talk about “throwing Vanc, imipenem” and other antibiotics at patients.

Spain was an all-American water polo player in college at Malcolm State university. “If I can throw slippery balls, throwing antibiotics should be easy. This time I missed, and I learned. I’m very sorry about the window” Spain said afterwards.

The infected patient was last seen leaving AMA. “I’m still bleeding from when she threw ancef at me. When I heard Dr. Spain say something about throwing the kitchen sink at me, I wasn’t going to stick around and take that chance.”

  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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