GABORONE, BOTSWANA – Inspired by the 2018 World’s Strongest Man competition, local orthopaedic surgeon Jamies Baylee started pondering if there exists a species of animal stronger than the Staff Orthopedic Surgeon.
The following are the CliffsNotes version of Dr. Baylee’s wandering oral diatribe:
Ortho versus a Marlin: Marlin is the strongest game fish in the sea and can swim 60 miles per hour. An orthopaedic surgeon has caught and reeled in a Marlin using his massive biceps. No Marlin has ever caught an orthopaedic surgeon. Advantage Ortho.
Ortho versus a Lion: Lions are the king of the jungle. Lions also sleep 20 hours a day. Orthopods sleep 4 hours a day during residency between workouts and washouts. Advantage Ortho.
Ortho versus a Blue Whale: Blue Whales can weigh as much as 180 tons. Blue whales can’t even curl a 25-lb. bar. Med students can’t even get an ortho interview without being able to curl 135 lbs. Advantage Ortho.
Ortho versus an Alligator: Alligators can close their jaws with over 3,000 psi of force, but their jaws can be held shut with a rubber band. No rubber band could ever stop an orthopod from talking about his/her biceps. Advantage Ortho.
Ortho versus an Ant: Ants can lift up to 50 times their own body weight. Tie.