Orthopaedic Surgeons Declared Strongest Species on Earth

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GABORONE, BOTSWANA – Inspired by the 2018 World’s Strongest Man competition, local orthopaedic surgeon Jamies Baylee started pondering if there exists a species of animal stronger than the Staff Orthopedic Surgeon.

The following are the CliffsNotes version of Dr. Baylee’s wandering oral diatribe:

Ever seen a Lion flip a tire?

Ortho versus a Marlin: Marlin is the strongest game fish in the sea and can swim 60 miles per hour.  An orthopaedic surgeon has caught and reeled in a Marlin using his massive biceps.  No Marlin has ever caught an orthopaedic surgeon.  Advantage Ortho.

Ortho versus a Lion: Lions are the king of the jungle.  Lions also sleep 20 hours a day.  Orthopods sleep 4 hours a day during residency between workouts and washouts.  Advantage Ortho.

Ortho versus a Blue Whale: Blue Whales can weigh as much as 180 tons.  Blue whales can’t even curl a 25-lb. bar.  Med students can’t even get an ortho interview without being able to curl 135 lbs. Advantage Ortho.

Ortho versus an Alligator: Alligators can close their jaws with over 3,000 psi of force, but their jaws can be held shut with a rubber band.  No rubber band could ever stop an orthopod from talking about his/her biceps. Advantage Ortho.

Ortho versus an Ant: Ants can lift up to 50 times their own body weight. Tie.

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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