RALEIGH, NC – Gomerblog just wants to give you a heads up: Ortho has a bone to pick with you. It’s unclear what bone they will pick since there are so many to choose from, 206 to be exact.
It’s also unclear why they specifically have a bone to pick with you considering they are the bone experts. You’d think with all of their training they could pick their own bones. But alas, this is the current state of affairs.
So which bone will they pick? Let’s sort through some potential options.
It is unlikely they will pick any of the ear bones – malleus, incus, and stapes – as their sheer strength would obliterate these tiny bones, though we cannot rule out the possibility given the close resemblance of the malleus to a hammer.
They are also unlikely to pick any of the facial bones – mandible, maxilla, palatine, zygomatic, nasal, lacrimal, vomer, or inferior nasal conchae – as this is the territory of ENT and OMFS, the resting bitch faces of which orthopods fear with great intensity.
The bones of the feet, Ortho may ultimately defer to Podiatry, so they probably won’t pick those. Plus metatarsophalangeal just has a few too many syllables for their liking.
If in the event Ortho is looking to use a bone as a toothpick, they might pick a rib or the hyoid.
If we had to guess, we’d pick one of the long bones. Ortho might pick the humerus if they’re in a funny mood, but we’d bet on the lower extremity more so than the upper. The femur in particular is an awfully strong candidate: orthopods are quite good at repairing them, burying them, or using them to play percussion.
There’s also the possibility Ortho may not pick a bone at all and simply just consult you for medical management. Actually, now that we think of it, that’s probably the most likely scenario. Especially as it approaches 5 PM.
What bone will Ortho pick? Will it just be one? The suspense is killing us, so it must be killing you too!