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Zuckerberg
“Why are you asking me if I have any rashes or joint pain?”

WASHINGTON, D.C.Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg survived 10 hours of questions, this time at the hands of first-year Georgetown medical student Savannah Hilton as she struggled to piece together a complete medical history for the first time.

“Does your grandfather have hypertension?” Hilton asked, her face not peaking up from her Medfools note sheet.  “If not, how about your great grandfather, did he have hypertension?”  Surprisingly, these were the first questions Hilton asked of Zuckerberg.  In fact, she didn’t even introduce herself; she just started firing away.

“Sorry,” Hilton interrupted, “I forgot to ask you: What brought you to the hospital today?”

“I’m not at the hospital,” Zuckerberg replied, clearly rattled by Hilton.  “Haven’t you looked around: we’re on Capitol Hill.”

“Then what brought you to Capitol Hill?” Hilton pressed.  “Fevers?  Chest pain?  Shortness of breath?”

Zuckerberg spent several long hours testifying before Congress earlier in the week, answering questions from both Democrats and Republicans on the Senate Judiciary and Commerce committees.  The questions addressed issues such as the Cambridge Analytica data leak and whether or not it was reported to the Federal Trade Commission, as well as Facebook’s role in the 2016 presidential election and how it might handle meddling in future elections.

Hilton, however, wanted to get right down to the heart of the matter.

“Have you ever been stung by a scorpion?” she asked with determination.  “Do you own any pigeons?  If so, how many?  Six pigeons?”

In a quick phone interview with Gomerblog, Zuckerberg admitted that the questions from Congress were a breeze compared to the “excruciatingly painful process” of never-ending questions from a brand-new medical student.

Gomerblog is sad but not shocked to report that despite spending 10 hours with Zuckerberg, Hilton somehow still forgot to obtain a medication list, mention any allergies, and perform the physical exam, stating that she “ran out of time.”

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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