KEARNEY, NE – Growing increasingly dissatisfied with the benefits of a automaton and robotics enjoyed by their colleagues on the other side of the drape, local anesthesiologists at Kind Samaritan Hospital are demanding that the hospital procure them a robot of their own.
“It’s not fair!” announced Dr. Anna Stezia. “Surgeons now routinely have robots doing the work for them, while we’re still stuck in the Stone Age back here.” Her partners Drs. Mark Trendel & Barry Burg added that while automating the vitals charting did alleviate some of the workflow, plenty more could be done. Trendel & Burg pointed out that robots could be taught to change fluid bags and put the table in Trendelenburg and even reverse Trendelenburg positions, leaving them with more time to care for the patient.
Local anesthesiologist, Dr. Levi Fed noted to Gomerblog that “even nephrologists now have those rotating robots that make urine for them, and we’re stuck here in the dark ages, placing our own IVs.” He conceded that while it may be difficult to built robots that would not lose their sh*t from sitting through a 12 hour Whipple case, the technology now exists to make it happen.
When asked if they intended to use the robots’ astronomical computational power to solve Sudoku puzzles, Anesthesia categorically denied the accusation. While the anesthesiologists did not threaten a full strike just yet, they made their threat clear by canceling cases if any of the labs are red or if a patient “just don’t look right.”
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