CHICAGO, IL – Seeking new ways to remain controversial and constantly in the news, United Airlines has announced it is has replaced passenger seats with brand new seats that go all the way into Trendelenburg.

epidural middle economy Trendelenburg
“Sorry, do you mind if I lean back and put my head in your lap?  Thanks!”

“We realize that unless you have first-class seats it can certainly get uncomfortable in the back, especially since those old seats reclined only maybe about 4 inches,” explained United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz, who admits that violently-injuring passengers or improperly-handling animals is starting to get old.  “We decided to push the envelop.  We want to make our passengers more comfortable after we beat them up.  Push the recline button and lean back, all the way, until your feet are above your head.”

Munoz went on to explain that the person sitting behind you can really get to know you as long as he or she isn’t also in Trendelenburg.

“With your head in that person’s lap, the possibilities are endless,” Munoz explained.  “You could receive a head massage.  If the person happens to be a dentist, you could have your teeth cleaned.  If the person happens to be an ophthalmologist, you could have a full dilated eye exam.  In the event of an in-flight emergency where a passenger requires increased perfusion to their brain, bam, put’em in Trendelenburg.”

Anesthesiologists in particular are excited about the new seat positions.

“Assuming we can make it onto a United flight without getting assaulted, the ability to intubate patients in-flight just got a whole lot easier,” explained anesthesiologist Raymond Howard, who says just being able to put the seat to horizontal will certainly help his ability to assess a passenger’s airway.  “Plus if we can bill for table changes in the OR, maybe we can bill for seat changes in-flight.”

In the event these new seats are well-received, United Airline may consider fitting future flights with tilt tables to aid clinicians in the diagnosis of syncope.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.