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Wiener, AR– Last weekend local man Joseph Peyronie sustained a penile fracture in a tragic mishap involving a lawnmower, a tire swing, and a flashlight. 

Immediately after the injury, Peyronie drove himself to the nearest ER on his lawnmower. En route, he texted his good friend Harry Glans to meet him at the ER. 

Wait, I have to tape mine to Harry’s?

Working the urgent care that weekend was NP Hugh Bellirub who has spent most of his career working in Ortho. Knowing that the urgent care was out of splinting and casting material, NP Bellirub could only think of one other way to immobilize Peyronie’s penile fracture; buddy taping. 

“Me and Harry been best of pals ever since we found out we were both dating his sister in 10th grade.”

“When that Bellirub fella said we was gonna buddy tape my broken pecker, he checked Harry and found out we were a perfect match!”

Local Urologist Dr. Bill Patino was shocked and appalled when Peyronie and Gland sideshuffled into his clinic Monday morning with their phalluses conjoined with 3 strips 1/2” silk tape. 

“In my 12 years as a dick doc, I thought I’d seen everything. I’ve seen prolapsed prostates, countless urethral foreign bodies and even testicles tied in a double Windsor knot. But I’d never seen buddy taped bed snakes.”

“I don’t recommend it ever. Not only is it bizarre in a 2-man human centipede kind of way, it’s ineffective and really really messed up.”

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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