Harvard Establishes New Standard for Research with Double-Blinded Consents

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BOSTON, MA – Long regarded as a mecca for medical research, Harvard Medical Center has pushed the envelope yet again with double-blinded consents.

Now just sign here for whatever the hell we’re going to do to you.

Now neither the surgeon nor the patient will know what surgery is being performed during consenting and even during the actual surgery thanks to blindfolding the surgeons.

“We’ve all know that blinded randomized control studies are the gold standard for medical research,” said Dr. Larry Earlickman, Director of Medical Research and Eggnostic Studies.  “What we’ve been looking for is the next step in our research, and I think we’ve found it.”

There have been many in the medical community who have voiced concerns about blindfolded surgeons operating especially when they don’t even know what surgery is on the consent. Earlickman says that this is “more than compensated for by the exceptional abilities and intellect of the Harvard MGH medical staff.”

“We believe that Harvard Surgeons do blindfolded surgery as well as most non-Ivy league surgeons can do with unobstructed vision.”

  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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