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hospital credentialing

When it comes to your medical care, you have a lot of choices. At the world-renowned Ivory Tower Medical Center, we want your experience to be top-notch and lead you to never want to set foot in another hospital ever again. Here are some tips that will help you prepare for your stay at our institution:

* To make sure we don’t miss anything important, you’ll be asked your medical history a few times. Like thirty-seven.

* Our doctors make up 70% of your local magazine’s “Top Docs” list. We ensure this every year by sending out organizational-wide emails begging us to vote for each other.

* We have subspecialists for every possible medical condition. They’ll all visit you during your stay, but you won’t know who’s actually in charge of your care.

* We’re committed to Patient-Centered care. To focus just on you, we’ll wait until the moment your family steps out of the room to come in and share critically-important updates and test results with you.

* We pride ourselves on using new, cutting-edge therapies. Regardless of medical necessity, every patient will be placed on at least one drug that ends in ‘-umab’, ‘-imab’, or ‘-inib’.

* As a training institution, we have lots of brilliant medical students and residents. They’ll be happy to talk with you about how life is exactly like Grey’s Anatomy.

* Being a large and complex institution, we’re experts in coordination-of-care. Though you may experience numerous inconsistencies and mixed messages between your doctors and nurses, we swear your care teams are talking to each other.

* We’re constantly striving to provide more efficient and high-valued health care. To minimize wasteful communication, we’ve discontinued certain wasteful practices such as sending your primary care doctor a discharge summary or an updated medication list.

* Not every man who steps into your room is a doctor, and not every woman is a nurse. Just sayin’.

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Doc Around the CLock
Doc Around the Clock is a Pediatric Emergency Medicine physician, ER Medical Director, and proud owner of a Minivan. He used to record Simpsons episodes on VHS, had a subscription to Mad magazine, and still stays up to watch Saturday Night Live (though falls asleep after Weekend Update)…so, yeah, you can expect some fresh, cutting-edge medical satire. When he’s not in the ER trying to prevent safety events, in a meeting about a safety event, or writing an email about a safety event, you can find and follow Doc Around the Clock on Twitter @ERDoc4Kids.