Breaking News: Surgery accepts blame

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For the first time in recorded history, anesthesia blamed surgery for a poor case, and surgery accepted blame.

“We took this guy back for a hernia repair, and the surgeon was just poking around with kittners for an hour! It was like he was hoping tissue planes would materialize, and shocker: they didn’t. He wasn’t making forward progress, so I called him out on it!” said anesthesiologist Mike Prokofiev.

While this is unusual enough, the surgeon’s response was unprecedented: he concurred.

In a stunning show of humility and candor, general surgeon Johann Mueller replied, “Yeah, you’re right. I’m feeling sick, and my head’s not in the game.” He then scrubbed out and called his partner to finish the case.

News of the interaction spread faster than measles at an anti-vaxxer convention. Responses were mixed.

Senior anesthesiologist Carlton Nickels said, “I can finally retire, now that I’ve heard everything,” walked out of the hospital, and never returned.

Upon hearing the exchange, other surgeons began the process of grieving, but rapidly stalled at the denial stage of the Kubler-Ross model.

“Even if that did really happen, no way would it happen in my OR. Anesthesia already gets money, breaks, and chairs; they don’t get to blame us, too,” concluded Sharon Godzilla, en route to her third Whipple today.

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  • Hey Anesthesia!

    Hey, Anesthesia! was born on the crest of a wave, and rocked in the cradle of the deep. He was a good student until entering medical school, where he realized that what he was learning didn't matter, and quickly shifted his priorities to cars and girls. He wanted to be a surgeon until he saw that he didn't have the ego or biceps for it, and switched his focus to passing gas in the OR. In his spare time, he enjoys golf and taunting surgeons about his spare time

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