Local Baker Assists Surgeon for Bread and Butter Case

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MIAMI, FL – Milan Patrelli of Patrelli’s Nice Buns, a local bakery in Miami, Florida made local history when he assisted in the operating room at Dale Medical Center this morning. Patrelli was recruited by general surgeon Dr. Rocky Barray, a loyal pumpernickel patron of the bakery, to assist in what Dr. Barray referred to as a “bread and butter case”.

The seasoned baker was contacted in the early hours of the morning to assist with the surgical debridement of a burnt crust from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that was found in the hospital cafeteria. The slice had received multiple third-degree burns which penetrated through the crust and into the deeper soft brown tissues of the rye.

“In one sense, it was a bread and butter case because it was a piece of bread” explained Dr. Barray. “But like also at the same time it wasn’t a bread and butter case, because it was an actual piece of bread. And that’s why I phoned up Milan.”

The procedure itself took roughly fourteen hours and involved Patrelli and Dr. Barray working together to surgically remove the damaged crust with a butter knife while donning sterilized cooking aprons and oven mitts. With proper follow-up and some condiment replacement therapy they are confident that the sandwich can lead a normal life up until it is consumed.

“Estimated crumb loss during the procedure was only around eight” stated Dr. Rebekah Boyd the anesthesiologist on the case. “We were never really worried about having to transfuse crumbs.”

‘I think it’s more unbelievable that a surgeon admitted that he needed help on a case than the fact that at the end of the surgery we had to account for not only scalpels but a pizza cutter as well” said scrub nurse Amy Shah.

“Real talk, medicine and baking aren’t that different” explained Patrelli. “Honestly, Foccacia sounds like it could be an STD.”

Although this is the first case of this kind in the state of Florida, this isn’t the first-time bakers have gone against the grain to work as medical professionals. The past year has seen a rapid spike in the number of cases of what many in the healthcare field like to call “Alternative Breadicine” which include procedures like core needle bread biopsies and scone marrow transplants.

Patrelli also revealed that he plans to pursue a career in breadicine full time. His current objective is to hopefully secure a residency spot at Panera Bread with the ultimate goal of landing a position at the newly established Kaiser Roll Permanente. Growing up in a low-income immigrant household, Patrelli hopes to improve access to these vital services, especially to those in marginalized communities, primarily end slices.

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    Freudian’s Lip, is literally the lips of the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, including the vermillion borders, the oral commissures but not the philtrum. Freudian’s Lip enjoys having chapstick generously applied to it and being read by people who are good at lip-reading. He finds lip-syncing frankly disrespectful.

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