Christmas present

Last Minute Christmas Presents for Your Subspecialty Friends

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Christmas present
“Is it an enema? I hope it’s an enema!”

Can you believe it, it’s Christmas!  Well, if you’re anything like us at Gomerblog, you are behind or flat out forgot gifts for your friends and family since number one priority is finishing those notes and discharge summaries.  Gomerblog has your back.  When you finally get around to it, here’s a definitive list of failsafe last-minute presents for your hospital and clinic colleagues, presents that will undoubtedly make you their best friend for life.

Allergy: A homemade EpiPen

Anesthesiology: A pack of Monopoly-style “GET OUT OF BLAME FREE” cards.

Cardiology: A baseline ECG.

Critical Care: Cases of albumin.

Dermatology: Sunscreen with SPF 1,000,000,000.

Emergency Medicine: An empty waiting room.

Family Medicine: A raise.

GI: A endoscope long enough to go from anus to mouth.

General Surgery: Cardiac clearance.

Hematology: A peripheral smear.

Hospitalist: A copied H&P.

Infectious Diseases: Contact precaution sweaters.

Nephrology: A gold necklace with a nameplate reading “Cockcroft-Gault.”

Neurology: A personalized, diamond-studded reflex hammer.

Neurosurgery: A copy of the movie “Hannibal” autographed by Anthony Hopkins.

Nursing: Call lights with both lock out intervals and a mechanism that shocks the patient if they bend their arm with the IV in it.

Nutrition: TPN orders in by 10 AM.

OB/GYN: Delivery room Roomba.

Occupational Therapy: Honeymoon trip with PT.

Oncology: Biopsy results from an outside hospital.

Ophthalmology: The official banning of solar eclipses.

Orthopedic Surgery: Bone adjustable dumbbells.

Palliative Care: Confiscated cocaine from DEA.

Pathology: More tissue.

Pediatrics: A parent who believes in the power of vaccinations.

Podiatrist: An A1c < 8%.

Pharmacy: An accurate, laminated medication list.

Physical Therapy: A foot massage.

Radiology: A year’s supply of vitamin D.

Rheumatology: An ANA and rheumatoid factor.

Social Services: Placemats.

Speech Therapy: Beer bong.

Trauma: A patient who was actually minding their business.

Urology: Heavy metal testicular implants

Vascular Surgery: Pork chops instead of fem chops.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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