asteroids hemorrhoids

The Difference Between Asteroids & Hemorrhoids

  • 404

In this series, Gomerblog helps health care professionals compare and contrast two entities that are often mistaken for one another.  Today we discuss the differences and similarities between asteroids and hemorrhoids. 

asteroids hemorrhoids
Asteroids are also known as flying space turds

Hemorrhoids are dilated veins within the anus.  They can cause numerous symptoms including pain, bleeding, and itching.  Asteroids are minor planets orbiting the sun.  They do not cause anal pain, bleeding, or itching.

The majority of asteroids are found in the Asteroid Belt, located in the solar system between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter.  The majority of hemorrhoids are found in the anal canal, located in rectal system between the buttocks of the left and the right.

Hemorrhoids do not orbit the sun.  Asteroids are also known as flying space turds.

A hemorrhoid can be classified as external or internal based on their location relative to the dentate line.  It gets more complicated with asteroids because it is based on their orbits and orbital distance, but not relative to the dentate line.  There are near-Earth asteroids, Earth trojans, Mars trojans, the Asteroid Belt, and Jupiter trojans.  It is always important to take the sexual history of an asteroid.

Asteroids, with the exception of larger planetoids, generally can’t be seen with the naked eye and require the use of powerful telescopes.  External hemorrhoids can be seen with the naked eye but internal hemorrhoids may require anoscopy for visualization.

You can touch hemorrhoids with your finger, you can even smell them if you want.  Same can’t be said about asteroids.

Hemorrhoids can cause significant bleeding but pales in comparison to the Chicxulub asteroid, which struck the Earth 66 million years ago and caused the extinction of a whole host of species including the dinosaurs.  That caused way more bleeding.

Astronomers are the experts who deal with asteroids.  Internists, hospitalists, gastroenterologists, and general surgeons are the experts who deal with hemorrhoids.  Many gastroenterologists, however, would consider scoping an asteroid.

Treatment for hemorrhoids include hydrocortisone or analgesic creams, as well as sitz baths.  The best treatment for an asteroid is to send Bruce Willis to detonate a bomb on its surface like in Armageddon.

Finally, in 1979, Atari released an arcade shooting game called Asteroids, whereby a spaceship tried to blow up as many asteroids as possible.  It was a huge success.  In 1980, Atari released a sequel, Hemorrhoids, whereby a general surgeon resected as many hemorrhoids as possible.  It bombed.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

You May Also Like

placement medicine

“Hospital Medicine” Renamed “Placement Medicine”

1.8KSharesPHILADELPHIA, PA – The Society of Hospital Medicine (SHM) has announced that effective January ...

pathology slide

Pathology Slide Fills Out Poor Satisfaction Survey About Pathologist

541SharesBOCA RATON, FL – Area pathologist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram was informed by Madre De Díos ...

couple kissing

Worst Pick-Up Lines by Our GomerBlog Fans!

404Shares We recently published a Worst Pickup Line by Medical Specialty article and the ...


Rapid Response Seizure Code Replaced with Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off”

1.4KSharesATLANTA, GA – Healthcare practitioners at Non-Stop Pop Medical Center (NSPMC) began the upgrade ...

Report: Essential Hypertension, Not at All Essential

454SharesPITTSBURGH, PA – Scientists discovered Wednesday that essential hypertension is not at all essential ...


Psalm of Zoll

348Shares All hail the mighty Zoll, savior of the ICU The one who brings ...