meatball sub appendix

Teamwork at its Finest: Surgeons Successfully Divide Meatball Sub in Three

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meatball sub
“Damn meatball, stay in the sterile field”

COOKEVILLE, TN – An a dazzling display of what can be achieved in an operating room when everyone brings their A game and is on the same page, three surgeons are happy to announce they have successfully divided their lunchtime meatball sub into three even pieces.

“There are two things that drive me nuts in this world: one, when someone tries to divide food with their bare hands and two, when someone tries to divide food with plastic utensils,” explained General Surgeon Ralph Dunkirk, the blood on his gown not blood at all but marinara sauce.  “What are we, heathens?!”

Dunkirk consented the meatball sub.  Hospital Medicine cleared the meatball sub.  Radiology played a crucial role, their image-guidance helped confirm the presence of five meatballs.  Anesthesia put up a drape so their sudokus didn’t get doused in sauce or provolone.  A frozen section sent to Pathology was immediately reheated and eaten, confirming deliciousness.  Four hours later, surgery was completed.

Dunkirk and team is happy to report an estimated sauce loss of 0 ml.

“It’s not easy dividing five meatballs into three even pieces,” Dunkirk explained, adding that he usually doesn’t eat the thing on which he just operated.  “They don’t teach you that in medical school or residency.”

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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