hospital administrators

Hospital Renamed “Our Lady of Perpetual Shortage”

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In honor of recent supply chain deficiencies, FDA recalls, as well as loss of manufacturing capabilities from recent environmental disasters in Puerto Rico and the Gulf Coast, St. Ann’s Lying-In Hospital and Orphanarium has been renamed “Our Lady of Perpetual Shortage.”

“We feel that this name change better actualizes the current reality of medicine, synergizing the relationship between the hospital, administrators, and supply vendors,” said hospital CEO Reid Roberts, simultaneously winning Corporate Buzzword Bingo and ignoring doctors and patients.

Reactions from patients and doctors was mixed.

“Shortages? In my hospital? I couldn’t tell. Every time I go, my doctor might switch my meds around, but they’re always there in the pharmacy for me,” said average patient Maverick Mitchell, 68, with his CHF, hypertension, diabetes, and atrial fibrillation, all managed on multiple medications.

Dr. Sam Cassandra concurred with Mr. Mitchell.

“Of course patients can’t tell! We’re professionals! We’re always chasing the next shortage, substituting whatever we’re out of now with whatever we currently stock. There isn’t a day I can just put it on auto-pilot; sometimes, it’s propofol, one month it was breathing tubes; another, it’s beta-blockers, nitrates, and narcotics,” said Dr. Cassandra.

“At least now, when it finally comes to a head and we’re out of critical supplies, we can point to the marquee and say ‘Our Lady’ and not ‘Blame Anesthesia.’”

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  • Hey Anesthesia!

    Hey, Anesthesia! was born on the crest of a wave, and rocked in the cradle of the deep. He was a good student until entering medical school, where he realized that what he was learning didn't matter, and quickly shifted his priorities to cars and girls. He wanted to be a surgeon until he saw that he didn't have the ego or biceps for it, and switched his focus to passing gas in the OR. In his spare time, he enjoys golf and taunting surgeons about his spare time

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