COMMUNITY HOSPITAL – RN Maria did not speak up when her N95 mask didn’t fit properly due to feeling intimidated by her instructor, Cara, thereby forfeiting her one annual chance to learn how to correctly wear the mask to avoid catching a potentially deadly airborne transmissible disease from a patient.
“She made us wear these suffocating white hoods like the hats of those racist people then covered up the only air hole to spray chemicals at us point blank like a sociopath. Then with dead eyes and a phony smile, she said, ‘Please speak up if you don’t have a proper seal.’” Maria recalled with a shudder. “I could taste the bitter spray and feel my breath escaping all over my face but I’d rather catch multidrug-resistant tuberculosis than face the consequences of telling her I needed her to stop for just a moment to assist me.”
“Next she made us recite the alphabet in unison while standing in a line. Who does this besides a cult? At the culmination of this bizarre ceremony she had us all bowing down to her in our white hoods while counting down to the death of our personal pride,” Maria added.
None of the other fit test participants in Cara’s class could be reached for comment because they were trying to gargle away the bitter taste and existential dread.
At press time a measles virus was seen happily sailing around the edges of the poorly-fitted N95 mask of a recent graduate of Cara’s fit test class, going down the trachea, and planting itself firmly in an unsuspecting alveoli.
