wallet aorta

Vascular Converts Infected BKA Into Above-the-Nipples Amputation

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PORTLAND, OR – As a means of source control for a patient in severe sepsis, a Portland-based vascular surgeon has played it safe by converting an infected below-the-knee amputation (BKA) into an above-the-nipples amputation (ANA).

“I wasn’t sure if I could achieve clean margins with an above-the-knee amputation, a below-the-hip amputation, or above-the-hip amputation,” admitted Dr. Sylvan Shins, a vascular surgeon in his 25th year of practice. “In the same way a general surgeon might convert a [laparoscopy] into an open procedure, I too had to make an adjustment mid-case. It was the right thing to do.”

Above-the-nipples amputations are very rare, but when they are performed they are usually reserved for patients with gangrene of the pinky toe.

Gomerblog is happy to report the patient is in good spirits, as spirits are generally located in the brain, which Shins managed to spare during surgery today.

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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