• 1.4K

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Talk to any health care professional and they’ll tell you that self-treatment is not the best idea. However, for one D.C.-area neurosurgeon, he was convinced that self-treatment was absolutely the right call.

“The thing with my office is that I can’t ever get the temperature right,” complained neurosurgeon Dr. Arthur Desis. “I turn the thermostat a smidgen in one direction and it’s colder than the OR. Turn it a bit in the other direction and it’s an inferno.”

Desis had pestered every maintenance person in the building, but no one has been able to solve the problem. He decided “enough is enough” and took matters into his own hands.

“I was inspired by a cardiologist who stented his own blockage,” Desis continued, checking his head dressing for any drainage. “I might not be able to fix the office thermostat but I can certainly fix my own. They don’t call the hypothalamus the body’s thermostat for nothing. I honestly think this is some of my best work.”

We asked Desis why he removed the hypothalamus; it helped regulate the body’s temperature after all. If anything, removing the hypothalamus might make things worse. We asked him if perhaps he made a mistake?

No response.

Gomerblog will report on Desis’ answer to our questions when he snaps out of his stunned silence.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.