Manhattan Clam Chowder Mistaken For Bloody Emesis

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New York, NY- In a case of understandable confusion, a bowl of uneaten Manhattan Clam Chowder was mistaken for bloody emesis at Columbia University Hospital today. 

“I saw the bowl of bloody puke and immediately thought the worst”

General Surgery intern Toomani Hashtagues walked into the room of an upper GI bleeder and saw the bowl full of the offending contents. “I saw the bowl of bloody puke and immediately thought the worst, though I was confused how he puked entirely into the bowl without getting it on his tray. The spoon in the bowl was also peculiar.”

After running out of the room and calling her junior resident, senior resident, the GI fellow, and the attending, young Dr. Hashtagues went back to talk to the patient. She quickly realized that the bowl’s contents were only worrisome due to them being the worst soup known to man and not an ongoing medical condition. 

“I grew up in Boston where actual clam chowder is made, I’d never seen that shit before and frankly I’m offended it has ‘clam chowder’ in the name,” a distraught Hashtagues explained. 

When asked why she called it clam chowder instead of the more common name “New England clam chowder” Hashtagues simply replied “because that Manhattan clam chowder is disgusting and doesn’t deserve the title of clam chowder. You don’t call it acute myocardial infarction, it’s just a myocardial infarction because there’s only one kind that matters. Same for clam chowder.”

As for the patient, he’s just upset that Hashtagues places an NG tube for the sole purpose of “getting that vile liquid out of his stomach.”

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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