emergency physician

Admitting Physician Denied Entry into VIP Patient Room

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NEW YORK, NY—Very important persons, so-called VIPs, get special treatment wherever they go, and their experience at hospitals is no different. Sources tell us that on Saturday night, a famous male celebrity admitted to a NYC hospital was given an enormous private suite on his own floor, dedicated hospital staff just for him and a bouncer outside his door. One problem though: the bouncer denied the admitting physician access to the VIP patient’s suite.

A flabbergasted Dr. Les Meeyin described his concerning experience: “These damn VIPs! I get a call at midnight from the hospital CEO that a celebrity is being admitted. I’m told to drop everything and go straight to see this dude. Didn’t matter I was in the midst of running a code on a patient in cardiac arrest! I had to leave the coding patient and go see this famous guy pronto. So I get to his suite and this giant, burly man stops me and won’t let me in!”

The bouncer checked Dr. Meeyin’s ID but still denied him entry into the VIP suite. Despite his protestations, the bouncer claimed that Meeyin was not on his list and that even if he was, he would never get in wearing those wrinkly blue scrubs.

To make matters worse, the bouncer briefly stepped aside to allow 3 hot nurses to enter the room. According to Meeyin, the bouncer also “let in a young candystriper…no, wait, I’m wrong, it was a stripper named Candy.”

As his frustration grew, Meeyin decided to slip the bouncer a 20, who promptly threw it back at him. “I want the good stuff,” said the bouncer. Finally, after giving him some Dilaudid and a blank prescription pad, the bouncer let him in.

But much to Meeyin’s surprise, there was no sick person in the suite—just the celebrity, a DJ and about 2 dozen scantily clad women drinking and dancing. “What the—?”, asked Meeyin, to which the celebrity responded, “Oh no, man, I’m not sick. I rent this suite every Saturday night cause it’s the nicest one in town, and I get treated better here at the hospital than at any hotel, nightclub or really anywhere.”

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    Adorned in a stylish white fur coat, ravishing purple silk suit and a dozen gold necklaces, I spend my nights lounging in luxury and delivering beautiful bursts of acidic commentary about those in the medical field who deserve it—which, let’s face it, is pretty much everybody. Some may be offended, but I simply can’t be stopped; that is, except by my mortal nemesis: the dreaded Proton Pimp Inhibitor. Until recently, that little purple shill very effectively blocked the release of my most acidic work. But no longer! In addition to my lavish lifestyle, I also enjoy reading romance novels, listening to hit songs by Toto on loop, and staring at my Betty White pin-up calendar.

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