Proton Pimp Proton Pimp

Adorned in a stylish white fur coat, ravishing purple silk suit and a dozen gold necklaces, I spend my nights lounging in luxury and delivering beautiful bursts of acidic commentary about those in the medical field who deserve it—which, let’s face it, is pretty much everybody. Some may be offended, but I simply can’t be stopped; that is, except by my mortal nemesis: the dreaded Proton Pimp Inhibitor. Until recently, that little purple shill very effectively blocked the release of my most acidic work. But no longer! In addition to my lavish lifestyle, I also enjoy reading romance novels, listening to hit songs by Toto on loop, and staring at my Betty White pin-up calendar. Follow him at @TheProtonP on Twitter!!

WHO: Coronavirus Successfully Contained to Planet Earth

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – At a televised press conference this morning, the World Health Organization ...

“Hands Across the Globe” Fundraiser Aims to Stop Spread of Coronavirus

WUHAN, CHINA—The 1980s’ supergroup USA for Africa, known mostly for its hunger-awareness-raising “We Are ...

mechanical ventilator

Correction: Billionaire Purchases Hundreds of Ventilators FROM Coronavirus-Stricken Hospitals

An earlier version of this article erroneously indicated that the billionaire purchased ventilators FOR ...

New GI Tool to Retrieve Foreign Objects Just an Arcade Claw Machine

NEW YORK, NY—Observing that its fellows have a very challenging time using forceps, snares ...

Radiologists Groan as Storm Paradoxically Causes Lights to Turn On

MENLO PARK, NJ—An unusually intense electrical storm this morning produced a prolonged power surge ...

Move Over Nephritic & Nephrotic, Researchers Discover 3 More Renal Syndromes: NephrAtic, NephrEtic, and NephrUtic

WASHINGTON, DC—Medical students everywhere have reportedly finally mastered the differences between nephritic and nephrotic ...

mucous plugs

Dr. Seuss Wrote a Progress Note: The Dung in the Lung

LA JOLLA, CA—After rounding on his patient, the incomparable Dr. Seuss entered the following ...

medical student adorbs CAGE questionnaire infectious enthusiasm

Stunned Anatomy Students Meet Lifelike Holograms of Their Cadavers

CINCINNATI, OH—Concerned that their students too often forget that cadavers were once real people ...