Proton Pimp Proton Pimp

Adorned in a stylish white fur coat, ravishing purple silk suit and a dozen gold necklaces, I spend my nights lounging in luxury and delivering beautiful bursts of acidic commentary about those in the medical field who deserve it—which, let’s face it, is pretty much everybody. Some may be offended, but I simply can’t be stopped; that is, except by my mortal nemesis: the dreaded Proton Pimp Inhibitor. Until recently, that little purple shill very effectively blocked the release of my most acidic work. But no longer! In addition to my lavish lifestyle, I also enjoy reading romance novels, listening to hit songs by Toto on loop, and staring at my Betty White pin-up calendar. Follow him at @TheProtonP on Twitter!!

New Concierge Pediatrics Office Won’t Turn Away Any Kids with Money

GREENWICH, CT—Piggybacking off the successful concierge medicine practices that have sprung up over the ...

New Helmet for Spleen Allows Mononucleosis Patients to Play Contact Sports

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Athletes afflicted with infectious mononucleosis, a disease caused by the Epstein-Barr virus ...

pharmacist

Pharmacists Reassure Worried Public They’ll Never Run Out of GoLytely

BRAINTREE, MA—From antibiotics to analgesics and anesthetics to ACLS drugs, there is an underreported ...

Red Sharps Containers Replaced by Magic Sword Boxes

MAGIC CITY, ID—If you’ve been at Magic City Medical Center recently, you may have ...

Electronic Prescriptions Now Available in Illegible Doctors’ Font

WASHINGTON, DC—Pharmacists beware! The newest Electronic Health Record/e-Prescribing systems are being programmed to send ...

That’s So Mean: Hospital Kitchen Sends NPO Patients Empty Tray

North Portland, Oregon—The defiance of an NPO order, whether intentional or accidental, may have ...

zika virus

Weakened HIV No Longer Worthy of Own Chapter in Medical Textbook

BETHESDA, MD—HIV, the AIDS-causing single-stranded RNA retrovirus that was once universally feared, has become ...

elderly patient

Elderly Man Admitted with MI Requests Pediatrics Consult

ORLANDO, FL—Bobby Kidman, an elderly man admitted to the hospital today with a suspected ...