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BROOKLYN, NY – An OCD Brooklyn pathologist, Anais Vernon, is starting to lose it, telling Gomerblog that she can’t deal with all these stains any more.

“Gram stains, Ziehl-Neelsen stains, Pap stains, PAS stains, silver stains, Sudan stains, they’re everywhere, I can’t rid of them, no matter how hard I try!” said Vernon, who is on the verge of a breakdown. And yet she continues to scrub vigorously, determined. “And don’t even get me started on these H&E stains, they’re everywhere!!”

Staining helps pathologists in the histological study of cells and tissues under the microscope. Though it’s a few years too late, Vernon certainly wished she knew this was part of the job description.

“AHHHHHH, I CAN’T DO THIS ANY MORE!!!” screamed Vernon. “I NEED MORE BLEACH!!!!”

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Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.