NASHVILLE, TN – In an effort to provide much needed peace and quiet for the medical staff, Unit 4G at Nashville Memorial Hospital has extended its quiet hours, which will now take place between 3 PM and 2:59 PM.

“Patients, nurses, and other medical staff really took a liking to the 3 PM to 4 PM quiet time we installed last year,” explained 4G Unit Director Nurse Dolly Rebecca. “The lights were turned down, everyone spoke at a whisper if at all, people paused and caught their breaths, it was great. It was a much needed break from the hectic pace of the day, especially the weekdays. The next step made sense.”

Effective immediately, the same implemented steps will hold true and even taken to the blissful extreme: interaction between any two human beings on the unit will be forbidden; naps will be required and enforced; all computers will be unplugged; all pagers, IV pumps, and overhead announcements will be deactivated; and, most importantly, all drama will be banned, a zero-tolerance policy.

Except from 2:59 PM to 3 PM each day, which will admittedly be a sh*tshow, but everyone understands that. Twenty-three hours and 59 minutes of peace and quiet though? Who wouldn’t take it?

“Now this is what in-hospital life should be like,” Rebecca responded, which was quickly followed by a chorus of “SHUSSHHH!!!!!” from nurses and doctors within earshot.

“Sorry!” Rebecca whispered back.

Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.