Aging Nurse Frantically Searching Hospital for Lawsuit to Fall On

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Boston, MA– Belinda Fonzarelli has spent the last 38 years working as a nurse in the greater Boston area. She’s wiped butts, pushed meds and lifted patients twice her body weight more times than she can remember. 

Now as she nears the end of her career, she’s realizing that her retirement account is adequate for a meager lifestyle but inadequate for supporting the lavish retirement a nurse with her duration of service deserves. 

“I don’t care if it’s an icy sidewalk, a wet floor, cords laying across the OR, or even a minimally uneven staircase. All I need is an excuse to fall and blame it on the hospital so that mama can get paid,”

Acknowledging that hitting the Powerball isn’t a real likely possibility, Fonzarelli has started looking for money making opportunities around work. Specifically looking for a lawsuit to fall on. 

“I don’t care if it’s an icy sidewalk, a wet floor, cords laying across the OR, or even a minimally uneven staircase. All I need is an excuse to fall and blame it on the hospital so that mama can get paid,” Fonzarelli told Gomerblog. 

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  • Naan DerThaal

    A high school classmate of the lesser 3/5 of N’Sync, Naan DerThaal spent a number of years mired in mediocrity before finding his true calling, writing snarky anonymous internet commentary. He is a multi-time participation trophy recipient in Little League Baseball and has appeared on TV numerous times in the background of sporting events. He enjoys head-butting Lionfish and wrestling seasnakes in his free time and can often be seen dragging a mallet around the hospital. Follow him on Twitter @NaanDerthaal

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