GREENVILLE, SC – An ER intern, Calvin McSpiffy, who showed up to work in a bow tie, has been immediately ostracized by his peers and sent home to think about what he’s done.
“How completely unprofessional!” fumed scrubs-wearing ER attending Dr. Gilbert Jones. He is still trembling with fury. “It is a complete insult to Emergency Medicine to do what he just did. Yes, he’s an intern, but that is no excuse.”
To those unfamiliar, Emergency Medicine is built upon two founding principles: (1) providing excellent management of patients requiring immediate medical, surgical, or psychiatric care, and (2) wearing scrubs and only scrubs.
“You might see a few internal medicine or other subspecialty folks wearing bow ties in clinic, but even that’s frowned upon,” explained scrubs-wearing cardiologist Dr. Joan Williams-Basie. “I can only imagine what our ER colleagues are feeling right now. We send our deepest sympathies. That’s tough.”
McSpiffy was met with countless evil eyes and barraged with expletives from his co-interns, residents, nurses, techs, and supervising attendings in the ER. Unlike patients arriving at the ER, McSpiffy was turned away.
“I don’t care how brilliant a clinician he is,” said Jones, saliva still dribbling from his angry mouth. “Medical school has clearly failed him. We even post No Bow Tie signs by every ER computer. And he does this? I can’t… I can’t even.”