The Difference Between a Pianist and a Penis

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In this series, Gomerblog delves deep into two things often mistaken for one another and helps sort out their differences in order to help us become better health care professionals and people. Tonight, we talk about pianists and penises.

A pianist is someone who plays the piano professionally.  A penis doesn’t play the piano professionally, and even if it did, the piano keys would require frequent cleaning. A penis does nothing professionally; it is quite lazy. A urologist is someone who manages the penis professionally, which includes frequent cleaning.

A pianist playing the piano is said to be “tickling the ivories.”  This is not the same as “tickling the ovaries.”  A penis should not be tickled.  Ovaries should not be tickled, by a pianist, by a gynecologist, by anyone.  Pianists should not be tickled, especially when performing live

Both a pianist and a penis can exhibit stage fright, the former in public and the latter in private, though it can occasionally happen the other way around.

A penis is a male genital organ.  A piano is not a male genital organ or an organ.  An organ differs from a piano in that it requires air moving through pipes to make a sound.  In a penis, urine moves through a pipe, the urethra, to make urine.  In a pianist, urine also moves through the urethra to make urine.  However, one of the pianist’s professional skills is successfully holding it in during a performance. An incontinent pianist is an unemployed pianist. An incontinent penis requires further work-up.

A piano can be baby grand, grand, or upright. A penis can be flaccid or upright, and often with seconds.

Finally, it’s not uncommon for a pianist to receive a standing ovation after a performance, as it is a demonstration of dexterity, proficiency, beauty, talent, and skill. A penis, not so much.

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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